Get a Room: The Target Dog Humps My Leg
June 1, 2008 – 1:09 pmPosted by Sir Jeffers
I love Target. And not just because of the tarted-up talent that works the register, like this cutie (above).
I visit Target so often that my musical partner in crime, CTK, tells me I should “get a room” with the discount retailer. How base of her to suggest that my relationship with Target is just about the sex. Actually, it is about the intercourse…of commerce.
Which is not to say that I don’t also enjoy the enticing hipster youth cred of Target’s TV ad campaigns AND admire the tarted-up talent that works the register. Because I do!
But, back to the intercourse.
Target is where I go to buy cheap junk from China that’s not quite as cheap or quite as junky as the cheap Chinese junk at Walmart.
Or at least that’s how it used to be.
Lately, it seems like my liaison du tar-zhay, as they say in France, has gone from cheap thrills to a kind of tawdry screw job. Consider a few of my recent unsatisfying transactions:
• The lamp that flickers out when I walk nearby (shades of the clapper, if not the clap)
• The alarm clock with the set-alarm button which won’t advance properly, so I can’t tell if it’ll go off at 5:30 or 6:30. Very relaxing.
• Those discount briefs with the comfort-soft labels that feel comfortably soft until they get washed, at which point the labels feel like cushiony-soft rectangles of plywood.
Yes, I love Target, but love fades. And, pardon my extended metaphor, I’m starting to feel shafted by the rude intercourse of commerce as perpetrated via the Chinese penetration of our markets.
Maybe it’s just an emotional trade deficit, but I’m beginning to yearn for a girl-next-door company that could sell me American-made crap so I wouldn’t feel so used and abused. It could be a real blast. Set up with the proper protection(ism) we’d each be exploiting each other for the mutual gratification of our needs. Yes, yes, oh yes!
And eventually perhaps we might even, to paraphrase a lousy old pop tune, fool around and fall in love. Sigh. A boy can dream, can’t he?
5 Responses to “Get a Room: The Target Dog Humps My Leg”
LOL! Target is King!
By GP on Jun 1, 2008
Isn’t it perverse how we love being fucked?
By Adine on Jun 1, 2008
Hahaha Jeffers! I thought Ozzies were the only
ones who call Target Tar-zhay, darlink.
Enjoyed the read, thank you.
Love
Kasia
xo
By Kasia on Jun 1, 2008
Args- and here the proper version (with not so many mistakes:
Target… I have recently been there with my friend Patience and she too said that she used to love it, she also said that Target is not what it used to be anymore…!
Sigh. A matchmaker can dream, can’t she?
Maybe you two should get a room there together in reminiscence of the old times. You might even, to paraphrase a lousy old pop tune, fool around and fall in love.
By Nini on Jun 4, 2008
ah ha haa, hilarious Sir Jeffers!!
-bou
By BOuDAH on Jun 28, 2008